Welcome to the Life Lessons on a Sunday podcast – Episode 6. I’m your host Jaimeson and today is all about your love language! I can’t tell you how excited I am to dive into the 5 love languages with you and explore which one or two fit you the best. There will be lots of information and resources shared, so let’s just get to it …
Happy February … the month of LOVE! Oh how I love LOVE! I thought I would try something new this month and see how it goes and if you like it.
For the month of February, I’m going to base the episodes around a “theme” or series. And, you guessed it … it will be all about LOVE. We are going to discuss, the 5 love languages, loving yourself, loving others, writing thoughtful love letters, taboo topics and so much more!
Now, if you’re thinking that this month is only for couples, you are wrong. This month is about all loving relationships, whether that is your spouse, children, family, friends, co-workers, and any relationship that you are fond of.
So, to kick this love series off, we first have to start with ourselves. We must love ourselves and know ourselves before we can truly show love to others.
If you are one of the blessed that already feels self-love, I’m giving you a “high-five”! But, please stay with us as it never hurts to maybe learn something new about yourself.
Okay, I want us to start off by finding out what our Love Language is! If you have never heard of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, don’t fret … we are going to learn about them today! Oh, I’m so excited!
I first heard about the 5 Love Languages over 10 years ago when I was in the wedding industry. I think I read the book in one day, took my personal profile and if I’m being honest, haven’t stopped talking about love languages since. Learning about them, what mine is and also learning what my loved one’s are has transformed many relationships for me. It’s why I encourage everyone to at least learn about the 5 Love Languages and then decide for yourself if you agree with them or not.
Let’s first start with identifying what they are and their definitions per Gary Chapman …
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
Love Language #2: Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes you feel truly special and loved. Distraction, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representation of love and are treasured greatly.
Love Language #4: Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and make more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
And there you have it! Well, just the tip of the iceberg really, but you get a good idea from these brief descriptions what each language is and what it means.
So, do you think you know what your love language is? Do you feel like you might have more than one?
Let’s find out … I highly encourage you to go to www.5lovelanguages.com/profile
From there, you can take a 30 question profile test to see where you score.
Now that you know what your top love language is – and let’s remember, two of them can be very close to a tie, try to think about your day or just this past week – do you think you can see how your love language was shown to others around you? Do you think they realized that this was you showing them love?
Let’s also remember that all of the love languages are important and there is no need to only have one or show just one to others.
I, personally, have one main love language that is ahead of the rest with a top score of 12 – it is “Acts of Service” … which makes perfect sense because I feel like I am a busy bee … I’m an organizer, a planner, someone who wants to “take care” of things, someone who likes to create, fix and just feeling like I am helping. Coming in second for me is “Quality Time” … I absolutely love our family game nights or a day hike with my husband, a time where there are no distractions, no outside forces grabbing for your attention, phones away and just spending uninterrupted time with those I care about.
I’ll be honest, before discovering my love language, I had a very different relationship with some of my family members. I felt that they didn’t care, but in actuality, they did, they just express it differently – in their own love language. My least love language, I only scored a 1, was in Receiving Gifts. Well, my Mom, whom I don’t know if she’s ever taken the profile test herself, I would bet has Gifts as her number one love language. When I was younger, it used to bother me that she would spend money on gifts since she worked so hard – I felt like it was a waste, but in reality, it was her truest love for my brother and I – to give us a gift. Now, after realizing how much time, effort and importance that she puts into each gift, I truly know that is her showing love to me. Completely changed our relationship and also stopped me from asking her not to buy “stuff” for my kids – when after learning this, I realized I was asking her to stop showing love for my kids. Complete game changer!
I have a feeling that some of this will ring true for you too. So, what do you do? How do you make it better? Well, for starters, you can introduce them to the love languages and ask them to take the profile test too. See what happens. Will they agree with the results? Either way, one way for you to have better relationships and to share love with others is to be honest with them about how you appreciate something. For example, if someone speaks your love language to you – whether that be Words of Affirmation or Physical Touch, let them know how that made you feel. You could say something like … “John, I really appreciate when you give me encouragement – please don’t stop doing that”. Or “Jane, I really feel extra special when you walk by and touch my arm or shoulder, it let’s me know that you’re thinking about me”. Or anything that you come up with.
THEN – after you do that, you could ask them how they like to feel appreciated and what you could do for them. Because knowing other people’s love language is just as important. Especially those you are around all the time – such as family, but also those that you work with in an office, or on a sports team, or a roommate. Even if they don’t show you your love language, just knowing what theirs is, will be so helpful in your relationship with them.
Okay, so to recap, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman are:
#1 Words of Affirmation
#2 Quality Time
#3 Receiving Gifts
#4 Acts of Service
And #5 Physical Touch
Wow – doesn’t knowing this just change your perspective? I hope that it helped you in some way – I know it has helped me and my relationships over the years – if nothing else, for me to come from a place of understanding if someone doesn’t say or do something I feel is a gesture of love, at least now, I have the knowledge to say … “oh, I bet their love language is this and that’s why did that”.
Our THOUGHTFUL TIDBIT today comes from TooCurly via iTunes Review. TooCurly gave a 5 star review and wrote “Loved adding this thoughtful and insightful podcast to my queue. A big takeaway from the most recent episode was that your authentic self isn’t static, but can grow and change with your life experiences. You won’t be sorry to spend a little time out of your day listening to Jaimeson’s musings.”
Thank you so much TooCurly, I’m so glad that you are enjoying! I hope this rings true for all of you listening … if it does, I would greatly appreciate you leaving a review as well, or share with your friends, or just make sure you are subscribed so that you are notified when a new episode is launched.
Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this first week of our LOVE series and come back next week when we will be discussing “love letters”, how to craft them even if you don’t like to write and who you should be sending them to.
Until Next Sunday …
* Hey Guys! Jaimeson here. I truly believe in transparency, so I want to let you know that some of the links above will take you to products via a link that will allow me to earn an affiliate commission (there is no cost to you). I promise to only promote products or services that I, myself, have investigated, used, or been a part of and will truly bring value to you.